LA Chronicles 6.5

IT finally happened…No I didn’t meet Megan Good but I’m still on the look out…”Tell me have you seen her”…And no they haven’t filmed my autobiography…But IT did rain yesterday and today for that matter. To put things into perspective, rain is to LA as TO is to any football team…it is very disruptive to say the least. It may be an overstatement to say it shut the city down but since I received my BS degree in exaggeration it shut this mother down. I was in traffic waiting to get into traffic. I also got the bright idea around 6pm to try a new route to get to the crib. Those familiar with LA know that it is easier to get a Bentley with a driver and built in parking spot than it is to go east to west or west to east without sitting in traffic. Just my luck I tried the streets to go east. Mistake #1.

But back to the rain…After making a few calls we find out that most people don’t go out when it rains that day. Not that they don’t go out in the rain. They don’t go out when it has rained since the previous sunrise. Why you may ask?? No logical answer I can give you. But I think it has something to do car wash operating hours and the way rain flows from the Hollywood sign.

However – being the soldiers we are, we decided to get in them streets anyway with less than average expectations for the night. MC pulled his magic and got us on the “List” at this one spot. Now in most English speaking locals, being on the “List” signifies a VIP-like nature. I’m not saying the “List” gets you in the spot free and bottle service all night with the baddest females at your discretion. But I’d think that it would get you past the line that the random man off the streets stands in…right? Mistake #2. We get to the spot and are informed that the long line with the most random mix of people ever seen since “We are the world”…For real, who put this list together...the IRS??? So we had to have a team meeting for the decision that stood in front of us…1) Stay in line and take it as a learning opportunity 2) Chalk it up as a loss and get on a game of NBA 2K7 (which is the hottest basketball game out right now) 3) Find another spot to continue the Matt Gone Wild tour (minus beads). We went with option three. Luckily our homegirl from the Nati, now serving time in AZ, was in town for work. She and her cousin (our new best friend – other best friends don’t feel threatened cuz there are enough heart necklaces to go around) were hitting a spot down the street so we kick pushed down the way. Long story short – I was able to link up with Ray J and kick it. And by “link up” I mean walk by and by “kick it” I mean dance to the same song. The spot ended up being the best spot I’ve been to on Friday since my first time out here back in August so it gave me hope for Fridays again. I was just about ready to make it a 6 day week – I had a service call in God.

Also – Tia was celebrating her 25th birthday in the spot. As you are thinking to yourself right now, I don’t know who Tia is either. However – she got an entry song when she rolled up which they messed up three times but once they got it right she and her entourage rolled in to the cheers of the crowd. Again – I’m not sure who she is nor can I tell you where to find her. I tried googling her but only got Travel and Transportation websites…But she was mad cool when I randomly introduced her to MC and she realized she didn’t know me. She however did know Ray J and by know I mean know that he is 5’6 in real life.

In other exciting news, I got my first Cali haircut today. For those of you that know me, you realize how traumatic an experience this would be for me. I’ve only had approximately three barbers in my life. One for each city I’ve actually lived in over time. I’ve also had the best barber for the past 4+ years which doesn’t seem that long but when you get a cut every week it adds up…to about 208 haircuts give or take 6. (How is that for standard deviation SQ?) So I hit the spot up here by the crib, it was awkward because I didn’t even remember what my cut was called. Seriously - I’ve not had to ask for a type of haircut since ’02. I went with the bald fade since that is the first thing that came to mind…Mistake #3. Not that she (yeah the barber was a female which was new for me because we couldn’t really talk about video hoess or deep male secrets that women don’t know) did a bad job. She actually did her thing its just that its way closer than I’m accustomed but hair is like a good woman, once its gone you can’t get it back but have to wait for another to replace it unless your balding but then I guess your married and you don’t want to cut your hair or does that mean your single because you don’t have hair but you used to have a hair and you probably want hair…I digress. The cut was cool. I’ll probably try again in two weeks or so. They also don’t go by appointments like my man Vonn back in the Nati which makes the trip last about an hour and given my fast paced, mile a minute life I just don’t have that kind of time on the regular. I do but my agent (aka me) tells me I should be more conscious of how I spend my time.

But to wrap it up so I can go out and have something else happen to give me material for this thing, on to the shout outs and I’m giving out Ray J cds (Insert Joke here):

KW – officially kicking off the LA visits
SR – not kicking a field goal and going for the win only to get stopped on the 2
BBD – the funniest story I heard all week – excluding the ones I tell
AH – thanks for the Vegas invite…selfish!
CG – Informing me that my entire 2007 travel budget is dedicated to May for your wedding related events

M. aka “Tia’s #1 Fan”